Supporting from the Front

One of my favourite things to do is move.

That's a strange thing, I guess... The act of moving gives me anxiety, packing is stressful, and the logistics of traveling with so many things in some sort of boxed entropy is just a fucking nightmare.

Still, there are things to be said about the experience and, for one, it's a bunch of time that I get to spend with Eiren! If I've learned anything about moving, it's that there's always been stretches of uninterrupted time spent very close to each other doing things that neither of us wanted to do... which leads to slacking off... which leads to fun.

But I guess the best part about moving is the adventure.

I mean, seriously, my first major adult decision was to blindly move across country to be with this strange internet lady who'd eventually become my wonderful everything, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that through all of the drudgery I look to the parts I think are actually quite wonderful.

And, well, I'm just a person that isn't really bound to one place. I grew up thinking that my hometown was the little center of the universe, but I've moved across country seven times now. Sometimes I brought Eiren with me, and sometimes I was just alone because of work... but every time it was because I was making some decision that involved her.

And that's where moving gets fun, and there's where the adventure begins, I think... I have these hopes and dreams, and I'm always thinking about the next step, the next leg of the journey... the troubles we might encounter, the fun we're going to have traveling and seeing new things.

And these are all my plans, too, my decisions, my schemes. I'm largely given the authority in our lives to make the best decisions for us because it's the service Eiren wants from me.

She just doesn't want to make these decisions. She expects me, her slave, to make her life better. Our life better. To decide things for her that she can't be bothered to care about because, well, boring!

Certainly we talk about it, certainly we have discussions and I try my best to make sure that she's on board... but, really, Eiren craves it too. She doesn't always tell me how she really feels, even if she knows that I'd be perfectly happy to accept her answer in this or give in to her will, because she wants the adventure too. She wants me to make these decisions above and beyond her because that's just what she wants.

And I do. And I guess this is where my sort of submission really shines, and where I truly make her happy, because she doesn't always want to be the one in the driver's seat. She wants to be in charge, but she doesn't want all the responsibility. She wants to be the girl in the back of the wagon while the boy pulls her around. She wants to yell "Go that way!" when the mood strikes her, but otherwise she's just happy someone's doing her bidding.

And this is wholly hers, not mine. There is no "I want a turn!" for me, because Eiren simply doesn't want to drag me around. If she's walking, I'm walking too. If she wants to take the lead, you better believe that I'm right behind her, still pulling the wagon behind me in case she wants to rest...

And this is a huge part of our lives. Perhaps even the largest. I make the big decisions, I have the big responsibility, and I'm held accountable for all of it from her. I drag Eiren behind me like the servant of some regal Queen because, well, the Queen doesn't pull herself.

Eiren & I will be visiting Montréal over my birthday in late July, and this trip will be, in addition to quite a bit of fun, another business trip for me. It will be my way of be determining if this is a place where we'd be comfortable living after my current work obligation is done in the next two years, and if so, making a plan of action that ultimately lands the both of us there together as quickly as possible.

And so I have this wonderful opportunity to continue this cycle again, to start it up after three years of stagnation in my dragging duties to take us on another adventure, to be Eiren's submissive, and to ultimately make her happy.