Lose yourself to the music

You know, there are a ton of things that change who we are.

Some people change for the women they love,
Some people change because their career,
Some people change by going to the gym every day,

There are so many individual things that effect our lives and the culmination of all of those that make our days, sometimes, change us.

But most people just change because they’ve gotten a little older.

People are always changing, and no one person has ever stayed the same from first thought to dying breath…

For me, I don’t think I’ve changed much in the past few years. Tomorrow is my six year Anniversary, we’ll have known each other for eight and been “together” for seven… but I have, I suppose. If not “changed as a person,” certainly I’ve done a lot of growing up and matured… and I still feel like the same person Eiren fell in love with, and I certainly feel like she’s the same, wonderful person that my soul latched onto…

But we’re different from when we first met.

I’d like to preface this by saying that, for the most part, I think I’m a pretty lousy paper submissive.

What I mean is that if you were to tally up all of the things that I’m told to do, and all of the times I actually do what I’m told… most of the dommes I know would probably give me a smacked bottom, and not the fun kind either.

But as her actual submissive, most of my service comes not from the things we wish we could be more in tune with, but instead I’ve been put into a spot where I’ve had, and for the most part do, handle pretty much every major aspect of our lives.

And that isn’t me, and that isn’t where I naturally want to be, but it has made her life easier and it has allowed her to focus on the things that really matter for her.

And, because of that… because I’ve had to change in a certain way to meet her certain need… we’ve gotten closer, and I’ve never felt more submissive to her than I do right now in my life, doing the things that I fundamentally feel aren’t submissive at all, because it has allowed me to feel like I’m taking her needs into consideration before mine.

If that isn’t submission, I don’t know what is.

And, you know what? Everything’s going to change again eventually, we both know this and we both talk about this and plan on it… and when that time comes, I’m going to have to readapt.

Eventually, when other things in both of our lives have run their course, Eiren wants to control most of our lives. Eventually, she’s going to care much more about me being a proper paper submissive, and I know that when that time comes, I’m not going to be comfortable with it. If that time came tomorrow, even though it’s something I’ve wanted for most of my life, it’s going to be fucking hard… because I’ve been in this position in our lives for so long now, giving back the reigns and then changing again is going to be disasterous.

But I’ll do it, gladly and with earnest, because I want to just lose myself to the music that is our life. It’s scary, hard, and for me it’ll definitely be a long, difficult challenge… but being able to change with her, being able to change for her…

I couldn’t imagine a better way to be her submissive.

Posted by Evelyn

Submissive woman in my mid-20s. Writer, engineer, explorer. Transgender (she/her). Happily owned and married to my Mistress Eiren.

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