Note: This podcast was transcribed by Berkson for clarity and accuracy, however to really hear the heart and soul of the story, please listen to the audio version available above or on SoundCloud.
How I met Berkson
We met on a game called Second Life, something that I've been playing for around 10 years now.
I was a virtual escort, well, I guess I can say I kind of still am... I login to play with some of my older and more loyal clients still, which, if you're curious on how that works, Second Life has it's own economy and currency (called Lindens) which can be earned through the game, or sold and bought for other currencies at the going exchange rate, that is used to purchase goods and objects on Second Life. It's kind of like the Sims, only better.
So... years ago when I started playing, I was actually working my way through college and needed the money really badly. I learned really quickly that I had the gift of gab, and men were willing to pay me to essentially talk or type dirty at them and there was a large market for men that wanted to get off to a dirty hot avatar who wouldn't complain about their fantasies and had no limits. It was a really easy way for me to make money.
Anyways, I'm going to tell you about how I met him:
I had a mutual friend with my ex in this game who co-owned a full-prim sim, called a region. If you don't know a whole lot about Second Life, you're not missing much, but to be short a sim was a place where you could visit and do various things, like shop, place objects, or build... among other things. Owners generally shared land or rented it out because of the huge monthly costs, around $500USD a month at the time.
Well, through our friend, my ex was actually given a piece of this land, called a parcel. She teleported me over to her, and was telling me all about how the owners, one being my friend, of the region were giving out free parcels and asking me if I wanted any inside of a private message, and I was thinking... Nah. At that point in time I had like four parcels already, with stuff all over them. I didn't really need a new one.
And so, in general chat, I casually said something along the lines of: “No thanks, I already have my hands in a lot of cookie jars.” Well, the proprietor of the sim, Berkson, was sitting up there because he had been teleported in to meet me and my ex by our friend.
He didn't really take it the right way. He took it as I was trying to put my hand in HIS cookie jar.
To me, I felt like I was being judged by this rando and was imagining him thinking something like: “You filthy, filthy whore, how dare you, how dar-- you're so gross. Gross. You just want my money, I can't believe you, gross, yuck, ew.” and he didn't want anything else to do with me.
Needless to say, we instantly hated each other.
How our relationship developed
So he left pretty soon after that to go somewhere else on his region just to get away from me.
Over the next month or two, I kept coming to the region... not only because it was a pretty cool place, but that was where my ex was, and another person I had met over there, and on my down time when I wasn't virtually making “teh sex” with people: That's where I was. They had a nice shopping mall, movie system, and Berkson had actually made it a pretty chill place just for people to hang out and come together at.
Well, over the next two months, he was very snippet with me. He never told me what the issue was, but he just didn't like me, I even remember him showing off his “house” with my ex, who teleported me in, showing off how he had this or that, which felt like he was kind of throwing his money around, but the funny thing about it was that he was trying to make himself feel important.
Being who I was, and what I looked like in the game compared to him, he was nothing. He looked awful. He just looked like damnit. If I was filet mignon, he was ground hamburger. So, you know, he was showing me this and that, and I piped up and was like: “Let's go look at what I've got!”
So I'd teleport them all to my houses and be like: “Aaaand... this is what you SHOULD have.”
To be fair, I was kind of being a dick on my own, but I just felt so attacked by him. I was so used to people absolutely fawning over me, and this dude just didn't give a shit about it. He didn't try to message me as an escort, he didn't try to be friends with me, he just was caught up in his own little world and his region... and in a weird way, he was kind of showboating for me, and at that point I don't think either of us realized it.
Neither one of us really understood "the lifestyle" that we live now, you know... writing erotica for guys online is not the same thing as applying it in real life and it's obviously not the same thing as trying to train somebody in Second Life, either. You know, it's completely different from game to real life and from real life to game, and the disconnect in between is so huge to two people who had no real concept of power-exchange.
Well, over the next two months we kind of butted heads every time we met on the region. You know, he was just kind of aggravated with me but wasn't the kind of person to ban or kick people off of this place he had made for everyone, and I was just like "ugh, what a douche" and... eventually, somehow we got on the same subject of World of Warcraft and well, he played both the high end PVP and PVE end games and PVP wasn't something I was interested in, I was interested in PVE... and we started to kind of bond over the fact that we had played PVE at such a ridiculously high level at a point in our lives.
Once we had that kind of initial connect, it was easier for us to transition into friends and that's what it became. We kind of tolerated each other for a while, then: "Oh!" it clicked, "Maybe You're not as big of a douche" for me and "Maybe you're not as big of a whore" for him "...as I thought you were."
And we connected. Over time, over the next month (this is 'time' in Second Life), I actually decided to take him on as my sub in game. We weren't dating at the time, we were kind of just feeling things out, and he had a lot of time on his hands and I was going through college and had a lot of time on my hands, and we were both just so very lonely... I had just gotten though a very hard time in my life with my ex, and just having somebody who was nice to me and did not want anything from me besides my company, meant the world to me at that time.
I had been so abused at this point that any kind of attention was better than nothing, and so even before taking him on even when he was being kind of a douche, I was still happy to have some kind of non-negative interaction. So it took another, maybe, two months for him and I to spend some actual, serious alone time together... and as the time went on, we started spending time on Skype together. And we would actually spend all day long when he was home on Skype together... and we would actually leave Skype on at night and he would call me Mistress in game and we would spend all of our time together, and you know, when I made money I started wanting to make money for the both of us, and we started to rebuild the entire region... and it was something that we did together that was so magical, so rewarding for me... I felt that I had a friend. I felt that he was more than a friend, that I had found my best friend... and, we were together for a long time in game and actually got "married" in game after we met.
It didn't take long, probably the better part of a year, where he decided he was going to come visit me. Well, I lived alone, and I was disabled... so it was very hard to let someone come into my life, not knowing the kind of struggles that I had... and he was just, well, phenomenal.
He accepted me for who I was, he accepted who I am, he accepted me with ALL of my flaws... and it's still crazy to me, to this day, to have somebody come into my life and for me to put all of my baggage on the table and say "Here's what I have" and for him to pick it up and say "I'll help you carry this", but I appreciated that more than anything else in the world. I appreciated for him to say, Hey... I'll help bare this load for you, I can tell that you can't do it alone... and he really WAS my best friend at that point in time.
We met up, and it was magical, it was 12 days and I'll never forget it... we spent most of our time in bed, and I don't mean sexually, I mean like cuddling, canoodling, laying on each other and holding each other and rubbing each other, talking... we played endless hours of monopoly, by the way he's a big fat cheater and he can't tell me otherwise because he wins EVERY SINGLE GAME, bastard, but we spent hours just watching movies and snuggling and it was something that I just... had never, ever experienced. I guess that if you just find that one person that you click with, that one person that just fits that hole in your heart, your whole world changes.
He was with me for only 12 days and, when he went home, both of us just knew this was it. This was IT. We needed to be together. So, it took 3 months for him to save enough money to actually move in with me, so, once we moved in together we had kind of decided some things, that we had talked about being in a power-exchange relationship, but to be completely and totally honest with you, neither one of us knew what that meant. I mean, I had a tiny bit of background in kink, and he had Second Life kink, and we both kind of expected that this was the way things would be, and it would be an easy transition and that was NOT what happened at all.
It did not happen that way, it was bad. I was very naive, and he was very naive, and expectations were not the same on both ends and it was hard. Our relationship was difficult for many years because he wasn't really able to be my submissive, he had to be my caretaker, my provider, for the better part of our relationship because of how sick I really was, and we were just absolutely incapable of having the kind of power-exchange relationship that we have now, even though both of us deeply craved it, I needed him more as my protector and caregiver and to make hard decisions that I just couldn't make more then I needed him to be my pet, my submissive, my slave... whatever you like to call it. So, over the span of the last six years, it's just been very, very hard for us. Now we are finally where we want to be, and exploring the type of lifestyle that we've been dreaming we could live together, and learning more about each other, and... for me, it's so rewarding seeing him literally at my feet, and know that he trusts me, and seeing him besides me as we walk and knowing that, man, this is what we should have been the whole time but couldn't.
I think we had to walk through that fire before we could have this relationship, our relationship, that we really wanted to have. And, you know, we're still growing, we're still changing, we're still finding each other, we're still building our bonds tighter and stronger so they can't be broken, and you know that means more to me than anything.
What I love about him
I'm very much a cuddle domme, that's what I identify myself as. Am I a sadist? Am I a masochist? That's not what I really think of when I think of myself being a domme, I think of myself as somebody who's very nurturing and loving, but I'm also strict and protective, and you know, I do my very best to take care of him as much as he taken care of me, and he is still very much my protector and he always comes to my aid when I need him, but our relationship has changed so drastically over the last two years especially, it has been something I've waited so long for and it is so rewarding and worth the wait for me...
So, it's easy for me to tell you what I love about him. His compassion and his kindness are unsurpassed. His ability to see the good in people, in literally everyone, even when I'm jaded and I don't, his ability to uphold justice, he has a very righteous indignation and is very, like, this is right and this is wrong, and I will fight to the death for it... and that is my boy, I LOVE that about him, I love that he feels so fiercely over some things, nature, animals, people, his heart is so open and he's not jaded... I love the fact that the world hasn't ruined him even though he had to deal with so much at a young age, including coming close to losing me, I love that his negative experiences haven't tarnished him over time like they have done to me, I'm just now, because of him, opening back up and being able to see new possibilities and learn to live again, and with him by my side, I feel like the possibilities are absolutely endless...
But, most of all... what I love about him most of all is that he makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the entire world, he makes me feel like he loves me, like he loves me more than anyone...
And how he treats me, that he can make me feel like I'm beautiful, and gorgeous, and sexy, no matter what I'm wearing. I could be wearing and old torn shirt, and a pair of yoga pants, and he'd be just as happy to lick my feet compared to if I were wearing a latex dress, which by the way I'm deathly allergic to latex, but if I wasn't, a latex dress and thigh highs...
You know, he has this ability to see things in me, in people, that I haven't been able to see until recently and still can't see all the way, and love me even when I can't love myself. To lift me up when I needed it the most in the world, to shine the light in the darkness when I thought all hope was lost.
I love the fact that he has never given up on me, and that is something that you won't find nowadays very easily and outside of books.
And, he's incredibly handsome. Very, very handsome. And he's beautiful, and a big fat turd. That's what he is.
Why it works for us
So, now you want to know why it works for us... that's an interesting question, it works for us because the power-exchange is not just sexual for us, and yes it's hot and we enjoy it and it extends into sex and that's a big part of it, but it's something that we both feel deeply about. I feel it deep inside myself, it's so hard to explain, there is nothing more satisfying than tying him up and watching him squirm and his eyes roll into the back of his head and his body shutter for me... when his abs clench, and his toes curl, when I'm just massaging him or playing with his prostate or milking his balls, or something like that, that... trust, that giving in and ebb and flow is something that is hard to even fathom unless you've even been there.
That both of us laying on top of each other completely covered in sweat and falling asleep, that half-asleep feeling that you get, those butterfly's in your stomach that are so tight... that you feel like it's going to burst.
That's why it works for us.
It makes me feel like he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's not just because of looks, his personality matches it, and just how sweet, and beautiful, and kindhearted he is... makes my life so much easier.
Don't get me wrong, he's incredibly sexy, and mostly said a turd, because he's writing this on the screen for me to say, so I'm just going to throw that out there... mostly said a turd. A big, fat, steaming pile of poop, that's what you are, Sir...
But we make each other laugh, and, I love when he's completely spent after a session and he is limp and in my arms and breathing heavily into my chest and just rubbing my fingers through his hair, and that level of trust and that level of love when he calls me Ma'am, or his Mistress, or his Queen, or his Goddess... that is something that money can't buy, that a vanilla relationship could not give me, that ultimate sense of power and love and trust... I love that.
How it makes me feel
How does it make me feel?
Like the most important person in the world, it makes me feel like I'm the most special person that has ever lived. That my purpose is exemplified, to be able to be with somebody and have that ultimate feeling of trust in your hands and have somebody look at you and be like... you're my universe, it makes me feel on top of the world.
So this will be my first podcast, and I hope that you guys enjoyed it... Let me know what you think.