Dominant Directed Diary, Part 1: Love

I was ordered to write a response to questions Mistress Eiren had left in my email as a timed assignment! Really exciting! I had three hours and was leashed to the bed with the laptop! I hope you enjoy!

1. What is it like to love someone?

It’s strange. It really is strange. It is strange and amazing, exciting and scary, I couldn’t have it any other way, and it’s strange.

2. What did you think about love before you really understood it?

You know, Mistress, I was just a kid. I’m attractive and I grew up with some (as you know) very vain people who are also attractive… but I had family who I was close to who, thankfully, were not vain and selfish like the rest of them, and I inherited a lot of that humility. I was really fortunate.

I was able to see the forest from the trees, and find someone who I really understood and really understood me. That isn’t to say that I didn’t have ideas of what I wanted in my head, they’re hard to write about without feeling like I’m going to hurt your feelings, because I imagined myself with someone else nearly the exact opposite of you.

So, I thought love was different in nearly every way… I thought that I’d find someone, we’d click, date for a while, have tons of kinky sex, and get married. Then we would grow old together, live our life out, have sex, and die.

I didn’t think I’d get in arguments or fight about things that don’t matter, I felt that I’d just do what I was told without complaint and never question what I was told to do, and we’d have kinky sex and die.

Truely, love is complicated, and I don’t know if I understand it or not. I understand what I want and what I need, but what I thought about love before you and after you are two completely different things that I couldn’t explain to you in one day, one week, one month.

3. How do you feel about love in general?

Red. I feel red. Love makes me blush, and being in love makes me red.

Love is so vast and scary and happy and confusing that to generalize it does not give it what it deserves.

So, I feel red. Love makes me feel red.

4. What has being in love with me done for you as a person in the last 8 years?

It absolutely made me grow up.

Not that I was necessarily immature, but if you remember, I was much different.

I had no sense of responsibility, and I didn’t care about anything. I spent more time in front of a computer screen than I did at school or work, and the only thing that taught me was how to curse. When I met you, I wanted to be more educated. I wanted to go to work to make money and support you.

I wanted you to be healthy and free from all of your ailments. I still want you to be.

In the last 8 years, love has turned me into a different person. I turned into a caregiver when you couldn’t walk, I went back to work when you could no longer support us, I conquered my fear of driving when you couldn’t make your doctors appointments anymore… I tried, and try, to help you work past the horrors that you endured most of your life, and to replace them with memories that will make you smile instead of make you cry.

Above everything else, though, because of love, I… saved your life, and the fear I had from the thought of losing you, up until the day that I learned hard work pays off and your life had been saved, was the most humbling feeling that I’ll ever have.

I love you, and love has done a lot for me in the last 8 years, but most of all it has taught me true humility.

Thank you for reading!

Posted by Evelyn

Submissive woman in my mid-20s. Writer, engineer, explorer. Transgender (she/her). Happily owned and married to my Mistress Eiren.

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